Top 10 takeaways from birth - a substitution for our "birth story"

I originally wrote out our entire birth story and decided not to post it. It was really long, and I couldn't imagine anyone getting through it. So, for this post about our “birth story,” I just decided to write out a list of what stuck with me the most about the birth experience, and here it is, the top 10 takeaways from birth:

1. “Nothing can prepare you for those first contractions” – a quote from a friend shared 3 weeks after her baby was born and 2 weeks before mine was born, and it’s very true.

2. Going into an anxious frenzy right before labor starts is real –If someone thinks you’re being really unreasonable or weird, and you’re close to your due date, suggest they let you be and make sure your bags are packed!

3. Don’t go into labor on a Friday night – you won’t be rested for the most unpredictable marathon of your life and probably won’t get the medical staff you planned for due to weekend hours. And let’s say you’re in labor for 24-hours—that means if you went into labor late on a Friday night, you’ll be up for 36 hours straight! Just saying. (Of course, this one is hard to control :)

4. Go over what is in your labor/hospital bag with your partner – perhaps even write-up a reminder note and stick it in the bag – I had my bag packed and the hubby was so great and brought it with, but I never requested a thing in it until I started getting ready to leave the hospital (out of sight – out of mind while in labor), and I really could have benefited from some of the stuff.

5. Remember, powerful contractions are good – resisting contractions or wanting them to stop or slow down is bad. Your mental state matters, so let the contractions roll baby.

6. Warm water either from a shower or a pool is very soothing during labor – I can attest to this first-hand; one of the most amazing feelings ever was sitting down into a warm, deep pool of water. However, I do have a side-note. Someone told me as a response to wanting to have the baby at a birth center: “you know, birthing pools can be so relaxing during labor that you end up getting too relaxed and unable to push your baby out.” Of course, I didn’t listen to much else that person had to say, but I did find the pool VERY relaxing and couldn't push the baby out. 

7. Being able to have free-movement during labor can really help labor progress – I was stuck at 7 centimeters at the birth center for many hours but quickly dilated to 9 within 30 minutes after being transferred to the hospital. That was after a walk outside to the car, a drive 3-blocks, walking in, signing papers, and transferring to the room. I feel strongly that a big part of the progression was moving around.  

8. The baby will come out no matter what your birth plan is, so focus on accepting wherever you decide to have the baby (or wherever you end up) and having the best people around you for support to help if any decision making is needed. This is why doula's are great. They will be the one service provider that stays by your side no mater what - their shift doesn't end.

9. Prepare to end up in the delivery room with a doctor you don’t know - it happens more than you think, and if you do, see if you can talk to the midwife or doctor about their specialties. Learn about what delivery methods they recommend but are also best at – see if you can ask them about their history and strengths – it might help you make decisions, if you don’t have a perfect birth. For example, I avoided a C-section, because I had an older Doctor who was apparently Zen master performing an old-school delivery method I requested.

10. A plan to have a baby in the hospital might be more predictable than having one at home or at a birth center – that is, if practicability is what you’re after. If predictability is not your top priority, like if you want to go for no drugs or a more subtle environment than a hospital, go for it, but I highly suggest getting a doula. A doula focuses on supporting you on a personal level through labor, physically and mentally, including major decision making that may be needed, and midwifes and doctors focus on delivering that baby - both important roles.

Let’s turn this list up to 11 – If you take the epidural, just take a little. If it’s not obvious at this point, I tried to have the baby in a birth center, but I transferred to the hospital for a lot of reasons that led up to petering out contractions and exhaustion – I was convulsing at the hospital until I had a little epidural, but they gave me a button to push for more medicine. Don’t use it. I ended up swelling up and not being able to push the baby out. And I was only pushing the button in fear of feeling pain.

And yes, I failed to push the baby out at the birth center and the hospital. But in the end, I won, because like I said, the baby will come out and he is amazing!

Bonus takeaway: In the car on the way to hospital, sit in the back and bend over the back seat through contractions. You’ll really thank me for this one.

The week after birth – what no one tells you

If you don't want to read the truth about the week after birth, skip this post, but I know there are women out there who will appreciate this information, because I know I would have and no one tells you about it.

• You will hurt. No one tells you how much you will hurt the first week after birth, and you will continue to hurt into the second week if you had anything less than a perfect birth. But you heal fast. I was ok by day 9. Plan for this. Have people there to support you with food, cleaning, laundry, and errands those first two weeks. Don't plan on giving all of those tasks to your partner. It’s critical that you and be be nested up in the bedroom able to focus on yourselves and the new baby those first two weeks – up to a month if possible.
• You will be leaky. Yes, I said it! And here comes the best kept secret advice anyone gave me…
• Buy one (1) package of Depends women's projective underwear (yes, adult diapers, lol). You will thank the lords above for this advice when the time comes. Wearing these are so convenient and allow you to recover and care for your newborn without added worry. They are like a wearable pad—not anything as bad as you think, and it's only for a few days. Ok, there, I said it. You can thank me later.
• You will need information. Have reference books/manuals for how to take care of a newborn no matter how much studying you did or classes you took – your mind will not be able to process like it did prior to birth, and you have never done anything like this before. So have some good reference books on hand. (The Internet is horrible when you need reliable information fast.) Click here to see the books I recommend.
• You may need external help with anything from newborn care, feeding, sleeping, pain control, or post-partum depression. Do not not try to do everything alone with your partner. Do not be afraid to reach out to a family member or friend, a healthcare provider, a lactation consultant, a lactation support group, or a post-partum doula. Too many people think they have to do everything alone--it's crazy! It would be wise to make a list of resources prior to having the baby, so that you don’t have to rack your brain trying to figure out who to call after the baby is born. But whatever you do, reach out to someone for any need - large or small. Anyone who has had a kid and caring service providers will bend over backwards to support you. They know how critical the first month is after birth. And just a little tip or encouragement here and there can help a lot, so reach out. Click here to see some great resources in Denver.
• You will be waking up every 2-3 hours. It’s normal and can be debilitating. And it take its toll. But it will end. If you and your partner need sleep to be able to function, there are strategies. Call a family member or friend. Our post-partum doula helped us put a routine in place for us to get sleep. Yes, it can get that bad, but again, everything gets better.
• You may need to feed your baby formula if breastfeeding doesn’t get going right away, so have bottles and formula on hand from day one and a breast pump to help get milk going. I recommend having powdered formula on hand for emergencies, because it can sit in your pantry. Liquid formula is more expensive and has no shelf life. If you end up needing formula regularly while getting breastfeeding going, you can switch to liquid later. Do not be afraid to give your baby formula; there is no such thing as nipple confusion for the first several months per our lactation consultant. Our baby went back and forth for 2 months while we worked out many breastfeeding issues.

Announcing Dylan James Moore!

[Here's the birth announcment written and sent by Dylan's daddy on 8/3/11.]

Hi Everyone!

(Sorry to take so long to get this update out, but this is the first opportunity I've had to sit down at the computer since our new little boy entered the world...)

Announcing Dylan James Moore! Born Sunday, July 31, 5:15 PM, weighing 7 pounds, 9.7 ounces. Both he and Mom had a tough go of it over the weekend, but both are doing well and on the road to recovery.

Stacy went into labor at 8:30p Saturday night. Our plan was to deliver with the midwives of Mountain Midwifery at The Birth Center here in Denver. Stacy, in classic Stacy fashion, was on target to break all land speed records for labor. She blew off the idea of "early labor" and jumped straight into "advanced labor" about thirty minutes after everything started. She was barreling towards the birth like a champ, but some unforeseen complications threw a wrench in the works, and we were moved to Swedish Medical Center at 8:00a Sunday morning.

Not being able to give birth in the fashion that we had both been so excited about was very trying for us, but we find ourselves now more committed than ever to raising Dylan in an atmosphere of wisdom, empowerment, and grace. We are still so grateful to have had the opportunity to pursue a natural birth, and everything that we learned while preparing for natural childbirth has served us well, even while we were in the hospital. For anyone considering their own birth plan, or for anyone just interested in birth stories, we would love to share with you the insights we gained from our experience in both the more natural and the more medical realms.

We love you all, and feel so blessed that Dylan will have the opportunity to discover all the amazing people we call friends and family.

Aaron (and Stacy and Dylan, who are snuggled together in bed resting right now... )