December 15, 2010

Why we broke the rule and told several friends at 5 weeks

Right at 5 weeks, our friend Molly and her husband Bodhi had an annual getaway weekend in Breckenridge to celebrate her birthday.

I was confronted as to whether we should go or not. I didn’t know if it was appropriate for us, how Molly would feel, how others would feel, and we hadn’t thought through how or when we wanted to tell anyone besides our immediate family.

On the other hand, we were just at 5 weeks, and I didn’t think it was right to miss out on celebrating one of our favorite people! So, I decided it would be best to have a conversation with Molly to see how she would feel about us going and not partying as much as usual, but I didn't tell her why.

I guess I hadn’t thought it out enough, because Molly’s immediate response was, “so is this a preemptive measure to get pregnant, or are you pregnant.” Oops, well there was the first lesson: people might guess if you dither around the truth. (And I guess I was silly, because she knew we had been trying.)

Anyway, I couldn’t deny it and confirmed the news, and of course she wanted us to be there for her birthday. 

I still wasn’t sure if I was ready to be pregnant in everyone’s eyes yet, but given the conversation with Molly, I knew if we went, that we should be ready to tell, to avoid people just guessing and missing out on sharing the news right-out (or having to deal with the wrath of wonderings).

And finally, the choice was solidified when Molly’s husband Bodhi got home, and he was more than encouraging about us going and being free and having fun, so we decided to go!

The only reason I know why people wait 3 months to tell others they are pregnant is because “that’s what you’re supposed to do in case something happens.” Well Aaron and I don’t usually do things “you’re supposed to do.”

And what I learned is that telling people early means you get to continue being yourself and do the things you love; you don’t have to change overnight, and your get friends’ get to support you early in the process, including if something “were to happen.”

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